Letter to Roger Goodell re: Detroit Lions
Updated: Dec 23, 2019
Dear Mr. Goodell
I know you are a busy man so I will try to keep this brief.
I have been following the Detroit Lions for 50 years. I say I am a follower, and not a fan, as I stopped being a fan in 1970, when the Lions lost to the Dallas Cowboy 5-0 in the lowest scoring playoff game...ever. But I digress. I am writing this letter to address the 2019 Lions.
Sir, I request you cancel the rest of the Lions games. I know it will have financial consequences, however, it is a safety issue. After the Vikings game last week I am not sure the Lions have enough healthy players to compete any more this season. The Buccaneers, Packers and Broncos can do some sort of round-robin type deal and your scheduling folks should be able to figure it out. As for the Lions remaining home games, I am sure the Ford family can increase the price on F-150's or Mustangs or Escapes and turn a tidy profit anyway.
I was always taught not to provide a problem without a solution, so here are some recommendations as far as the way ahead with this team.
1. Pull the credentials immediately for GM Bob Quinn and Coach Matt Patricia. I don't know if there are minimum qualifications for either job, but these two are not capable. "Patriot Way" Quinn fired a coach saying 9-7 wasn't good enough, so stupid me figured he was talking about being better than 9-7. What do I know? Patricia looks like he got hit by a bus on the sideline. Or an extra in Sons of Anarchy.
2. Do a hostile takeover of the Lions. Or put them in receivership...or something. The Ford family has owned this tam since 1963...and they have won one playoff game. There have been 18 head coaches. Please stop the madness! Martha sort of looks cool in those sunglasses but she is 95 for God's sake.
3. Consider moving the franchise to Canada. I know they have their own football league, but doubt the Lions will move any needles over there. Windsor is a pretty cool place and would suggest that. I know they have a casino, but the Raiders are moving to Vegas, so no show stopper. Canadian beer is great to. The main purpose, though, is to get some distance between the team and Lions fans, who have been psychologically tortured for so many years.
4. Move the team to the college ranks until they are able to at least win a conference championship. I am not talking a Power Five conference, they are clearly not ready for that, but perhaps the Mid American Conference (MAC) would be a good fit. I can see Lion rivalries with Eastern Michigan or Toledo that may hold some local interest. If they can win a conference title, then perhaps consider letting them back in the NFL. College players will be professionals soon, so no conflicts there.
Well that is all I have for now Mr Goodell. Good luck with the rest of the season.