Donald Trump: (DT): Mike? Is that you?
Mike Pence (MP): Sir? Yes. Mike here. Good evening.
DT: Good evening? Mike, it's almost 3:30 in the morning. Have you been drinking?
MP: Uh, no sir. I don't drink as you know.
DT: I did not know...by the way...where the hell are you right now?
MP: Why..in my office sir.
DT: In your office? What the hell are you doing there at this hour?
MP: Well sir...as you are aware...last month you told me to stay in my office and you would call me if you needed anything.
DT: Yes..I did say that..but I did not mean to live in your office...you mean to tell me you have not left your office for over two weeks?
MP: It is actually not to bad sir. I mean the couch is quite comfortable.
DT: Good God Mike...ok...that's not important now. I called to provide you talking points for today.
MP: Great sir. I'm standing by.
DT: Good Mike. Joe Biden is an alien. Got it?
MP. Joe Biden is an alien? Got it sir. Wait...this is fantastic news sir. If Joe Biden is a foreigner he is not authorized to run for president. You didn't even need that Ukraine thing. So where was he born?
DT: Where was he born? Mike...he is an alien. Like from another planet. Like Venus or Orion or some s**t.
MP: An alien sir? Like an extraterrestrial you mean?
DT: What the hell Mike...I'm not a scientist. He's an alien. Got it?
MP: Yes sir. So...when questioned by the press...do I show them a birth certificate or....
DT: Birth certificate? Mike...aliens don't have birth certificates. That's why they're aliens. Do I need to think of everything around this g*d#% mn place? Get your people on it if you have to!
MP: No problem sir. Is there an action officer on your staff I can have my people plug in to for continuity?
DT: Jeez Mike...it's not that complicated...Ok...if you need it...your POC over here is Kellyanne. She's been doing a great job with the alternative facts campaign.
MP: Kellyanne. Got it...can I get...